By Tanesia R. Hale-Jones, Head of School
Escuela’s mission of nurturing lifelong learning isn’t merely about the kind of academic knowledge we can accumulate, but about the crucial inner work of the heart and soul. When we consider how long and meandering, sometimes spiralic the journey from childhood to adolescence and then adulthood is, it is no wonder we must prioritize learning from our mistakes. Building capacity for holding our perceived failures with less preciousness. In our classrooms, we want to guide the students toward their own brilliance.
“The obedience which is expected of the child in the home and in the school–and obedience admitting neither of reason nor of justice–prepares man to be docile to blind forces.”
-Maria Montessori
An aspect of growing up is pushing back, testing boundaries (physical, verbal, emotional, etc.), learning the limits, understanding situational appropriateness, grappling with where their autonomy and independence bumps up against another’s sovereignty. What beautiful lessons! The thing about “misbehavior” in children and adolescents is that it is a good thing. It is the expression of Self coming into contact with other selves and this dance is how we learn to be in relationship and to repair relationships.
What does this look like in a daily way in our Montessori environments and on our campus?
- Mistakes are opportunities for growth and learning
- We can model “unconditional acceptance.” A message that children and adolescents are loved even when they are being redirected or they have made mistakes, or hurt someone’s feelings.
- We can practice modes of repair that acknowledge that when conflict arises it is possible for a safe path toward reconciliation to exist.
- We can model forgiveness and learn how to make amends using the three R’s.
- Recognize – the mistake and how to take responsibility for your part in what happened rather than being defensive or blaming
- Reconcile – apologize for your actions
- Resolve – work together on a respectful solution
- We can model kindness vs being nice. Kindness looks like healthy boundaries and speaking up when things don’t feel right. It also looks like telling someone the truth. Niceness can tend toward confrontation avoidance. Often niceness is about sparing feelings or prioritizing the illusion of having a right to comfort.
- Being in community, even when we’re not perfect
- Perfection is a by-product of colonization and capitalism, and asserts that when we make mistakes we are the mistakes rather than affirming mistakes as a necessary and creative part of growth. Self-refinement and self-reflection are necessary components of being a member of a community, but we do not need to be perfect to be loved, loveable, or accepted.
- Learning to be in a process oriented stance
- Montessori is a highly process-oriented pedagogy, meaning that most of the work and lessons were designed to fulfill specific developmental needs and to support Self-Construction. This is not a linear process, which means children and adolescents continue to arrive at knowing without the assumed pressure of a product or end.
- Delivery of Montessori and Montessori adjacent lessons
- Grace & Courtesy Lessons
- Direct instruction on how to move our bodies and be with others in physical space, as well as how to communicate effectively and respectfully
- Establishing Freedom with Limits for younger children; Freedom and Responsibility for Elementary children, and Freedom and Contribution for adolescents.
- Community Meetings
- Practice discussing and solving problems as a community and sharing in the responsibilities of maintaining healthy relationships
- Grace & Courtesy Lessons
In considering the ongoing violence witnessed globally and locally, I want to recognize the value of disobedience as a guiding principle in movements for social change. Disobedience is often portrayed as negative and is often cause for more policing. More mundanely, we might feel strongly that our children should obey us, that as adults we are owed deference and it is important to respect our elders, to bow to the wisdom that comes with lived experience. However, our hope is that outside of their literal safety, when offering their deference our children do so with a critical eye, with the ability to seek the truth for themselves, and to ask questions. To seek justice. Deference to systems and obedience to systems that do not support human thriving and joy and compassion are not worthy of our attention and do not foster the kind of moral society we all deserve.
“It is not surprising that in 1933, Montessori schools were banned in Nazi Germany, and Mussolini’s Italy soon followed in 1936. Montessori saw the potential for social disruption of fascist regimes, when she lectured in 1939.” (Sarah Werner Andrews)
“If we go on with this education, which gives the child gradual independence, his personality will acquire the capacity for clear judgment…When we are able to judge for ourselves independently, we cannot fall victim to the enthusiastic words or fanatical reasoning of another person. This capacity for self-judgement can only be achieved only by a methodical and gradual formation of the mind from earliest childhood.” (Maria Montessori, Education for Peace)
There are so many ways that we can practice disobedience or resistance.
- Joy is resistance
- Art is resistance
- Education is resistance
- Asking questions is resistance
- Being yourself is resistance
Essentially, being in relationship with others is complex work that begins at an early age and continues for our entire lives. Learning to become self-determined is the task of a lifetime and we are all so fortunate to support that at Escuela. To support the kind of independence that leads to interconnection and liberation. When we move toward the realization and recognition that thriving communities include difference and friction and respectful confrontation, and opportunities to repair and problem-solve in ways that support everyone’s wholeness, we practice being willing to sit beside one another’s humanity to see how ensuring that ‘everybody in’ means each day one more is brought into the fold.
Resources, References, and Inspiration
“The Good Child” Chip DeLorenzo
loving corrections adrienne maree brown
“The Low Road” Marge Piercy
“On Developing the Capacity for Independent Thought and Judgement” Sarah Werner Andrews
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